Before I started writing this blog, I was looking for an image to use. Almost every image I found said something along the lines of, “No matter what my kids come first.” One even said “When you’re a good parent your kids come first.” I kid you not (haha get it😆)…it was basically saying that I was a bad parent if I didn’t put my kids first. Well……I guess I’m a bad parent because, wait for it……. my kids don’t come first.

Now before you are quick to judge, because yes, I feel you judging me already, let me explain. First and foremost, God comes first in my life. My relationship with Him helps all of my other relationships and takes top priority. Next, is my relationship with my husband. I can hear your gasps now! “What?! I can’t believe she would put her husband before her kids! She needs to sort out her priorities!” Well Mr./Mrs. Judge of my life…here’s why.

Marriage is HARD! As husband and wife it is so hard in today’s society to make it work. The divorce rate is incredibly high, and it seems that marriage is not as sacred as it used to be. I absolutely adore and love my husband. I don’t want to be divorced. We have a strong relationship that I am proud of, but it takes constant work! When my marriage is strong, my husband and I are a stronger team, which in my opinion makes us better parents. Do you see where I am going with this?

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs on the planet! At times it is physically and mentally exhausting. I don’t know about you, but when I’m tired and stressed, my fuse is short! I have a hard time staying calm, and it’s not fair to my kids when I react just because I’m stressed or tired. When my husband and I are a strong team, we are able to communicate better. We are able to relieve each other from the stress from work, kids, life, etc. We are able to “divide and conquer” effectively. We are able to be better parents because instead of having the load of two kids on two individuals, we now have the load of two kids on a team of two people. I hope that makes sense.

My goal as a parent is to raise my kids to be the best versions of themselves that they can be. That they believe in themselves, that they have healthy relationships, that they are dependable and trustworthy. I pray that they become a devout christian who leans on God and guides others to him. I want them to serve others and be humble and kind. Can’t I show/teach them most of those things through my marriage?

It is incredibly important to me that my kids see what a healthy marriage looks like. I want them to see us fight (of course within reason), because I want them to see how a healthy resolution takes place. I want them to see us help each other, and ask each other for help, because I want them to see that it’s OK to ask for help when you need it, and that you don’t have to carry loads by yourself. Actions speak louder than words. If I’m not showing them these examples, how can I expect them to learn them?

We watched the movie Parental Guidance several years ago. Near the end of the movie, the question is asked from a daughter to her mom “Why do you always take his [the dad’s] side?” The answer that was given really stood out to me. “Because at the end of the day, when your kids grow up and move away, your husband is the one who stays.” Now in 18+ years when we are retired (hopefully) and my kids are starting families of their own, I want to enjoy spending time with my husband. I don’t want to dread having to spend time with him, and I don’t want to be lonely because my marriage failed. I got married to my best friend. I want to enjoy retirement and grand kids with him.

As a mom who wants what is best for her kids, it is so hard to make time for my marriage. Which is why I have to put my relationship with my husband my second priority. I have to really make sure I’m working on nurturing that relationship because it is so easy to put marriage on the back burner. It’s easy to give all of the bad and negative energy from our day to our spouse because it’s who we are most comfortable and vulnerable with. But remember, that negative energy and stress builds up. If all you are giving your marriage is what’s left or the bad from the day….bad/negative energy and stress is what your marriage will become.

In the front of my mind are my kids. My kids are my entire world and I don’t want to miss anything in their lives, however, by making time to strengthen my marriage, I am putting my kids first.

Challenge: Whether this looks like date nights (without kids), or just simply picking a tv show to cuddle and watch once the kids go to bed, set aside time for just you and your spouse. Give it about a month and just see if you can see a difference in your marriage and/or in how you feel as a parent.