Grief sucks! It will come out of nowhere and hit you like a ton of bricks. As I am typing this, I am literally crying a river of tears….and I’m not a crier. For those of you who are new to my story, I lost my grandma (Grammy), who was also like my best friend, to suicide in 2010. There were no signs. There was no closure. One day she was there. Then she wasn’t.

I hate moments like this because I feel so stupid. “It’s been 13 years, Alyssa. Dry it up.” This is what I tell myself. This is what I expect everyone around me to say. Thankfully, they don’t. They remind me that it is OK to still hurt. It is OK to still cry. So, even though right now I am having a hard time with it, that is what I’m here to tell you (and myself).

Grief is defined as “deep sorrow.” Sorrow is defined as “deep distress.” Distress is defined as “extreme anxiety, sorrow, or pain.” So, grief is literally deep pain. It is not something that just goes away even though the world moves on. It is a pain so deep emotionally that it can stay with you for years. Now, would I say that I am still grieving the loss of my Grammy? No. However, do I have moments of grief? Yes. I have moments of such “deep pain” that I feel as though I just heard the news moments ago.

Tonight’s “grieving episode” was triggered by this blog. The outlet I am using for personal therapy. I have been fortunate to have several people read and enjoy my blog (thank you!), and it has become very exciting for me. Tonight though, all I have wanted to do is call my Grammy and tell her how my writing is impacting people. How my writing is being read, and shared, and is helping people. She loved to read and write. It was one of her passions. I know that she would be so excited, and proud, but I can’t tell her. It didn’t help that a particular song also started playing on my phone that reminds me of her. The combo was more than I could handle.

Right now, if you are grieving, I am so incredibly sorry. It sucks. It’s hard. There are good days and there are bad days. People say that time heals the pain. That’s partially true, but you will still have moments 13 years later that make it feel fresh all over again. I pray for your healing and comfort for you. In the middle of your grief, I pray you realize how lucky you are to have had such a great relationship in your life.

I am so lucky to have moments of such grief. Why? To me that means that I had such a close relationship with someone, that that person impacted my life in a great way. Can you imagine going through life not grieving anyone? That would mean that there was no one in your life that you were close enough to that caused you deep sadness when they were gone. That alone is a sad and lonely thought. How blessed we are to have such great love and relationships throughout life!

When I first lost my Grammy I went through a lot (that is a blog for another day). Spiritually, I wasn’t where I am today. I didn’t know the Scripture and the promises that God has for us, and I wish I had. Tonight, I don’t know what you are going through, or what you may be grieving, but I know God is giving me these words for someone….He loves you. He has a plan for you. Cry out to Him, and He will bring you comfort and joy.

• Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans that I have for you declare the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
• Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
• John 16:22 “So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.”